Be forewarned: I’ve written about being single before, I’m about to write about it now and there’s every chance I’ll write about it again.

At this point in life, it’s just a part of who I am. And it’s not a complaint – it’s just an insight into my personal observations on being a single twenty-something.

If anything, the following is a challenge – to myself and every other singleton out there.

Here’s what I think, from both my own experience and from my observations of all you other twenty and single somethings out there.

I think too many of us have become single-minded (pun intended – you’re welcome).

Single-minded in the sense that I worry too many of us are so pre-occupied with finding someone in this wide and expansive world of seven billion people, that we miss out on rich and meaningful friendships with the opposite sex, simply because we’re so focused on finding the one.

Or maybe it’s just me.

But I highly doubt that.

I know I wonder about it sometimes…maybe…possibly…yeah, I do. I wonder about it a lot.

If you are female, single, and in my age bracket, and I’ve met you then chances are at some point, I’ve asked myself Is she the future Mrs. Bowman? Which as I read it, sounds a little strange, considering that’s my mum’s title. 


Point is. And there is a point to all of this.

Point is. Is that if at some point in this internal dialogue, if the answer my brain gives me is a no. Then what next?

If as far as I can tell, you and I aren’t going to be husband and wife, then is that just the end of everything?

Do I no longer get to know you as a person?
Can we no longer be friends?

And this is my issue with single-mindedness. Is that it’s real. It’s happening. And most of us, aren’t aware that it’s taking place, right there in our own hearts and minds, usually in a matter of seconds.

It comes right back to When Harry Met Sally. Can guys and girls just be friends?

And beyond that, if we never get to know anyone beyond first impressions, maybe it’s not just friendship we’re missing out on? How do we know that friendship won’t lead to love? What are we judging our spousal appropriateness gauge on anyway?


All this to say that I’m sure there are friendships I have sacrificed unknowingly from this single-mindedness. And I’ve seen it happen to others too.

People are interesting. Be interested in them, their stories, and their passions. Get to know them. And they may just surprise you and your/my single mind. 


Have you experienced single-mindedness before? Or been the receiver of it? Let me know your thoughts in the comments!


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  1. two moxie

    Chris, it is good to see you writing again. I always appreciate your honesty and insights. I don’t think I struggle with this, but must admit when I was younger I did. I do not know when the point was, but I accepted my singleness and it stopped defining me.

    1. wheresthescript

      Cheers for that two moxie! 🙂

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